Shades of Grey
by notawordsmith
Summary: What could possibly go wrong? *One Shot* Donatello and Raphael, doing what they do with style. Rated T for one, well deserved swear word.


**Shades of Grey**

Ow!

Donnie swore as his head hit the underside of his desk, his fingers practised in the well worn kata of answering his phone, heart caught between sheer panic and infinite curiosity.

"Donnie! Ya gotta help me!"

Donnie sighed and rested deeply in his leather office chair, making it squeak in protest as he put his feet up on the desk. This wasn't Raph's usual panic, just his usual confusion and frustration at needing his brainiack brother's help. He smiled and leaned back, say what you will, but it was always nice to be the smartest turtle.

"Sure Raph, what's up?"

Raph's voice flooded confusion, snarling deeply as he went through the specifics of the day.

"Was hangin' with Case at April's place, when she asked fer ma help. 's Casey's birthday soon, and she wanted ta surprise him, asked me ta pick da things up on her list, she didn't wanna do it herself."

"Go on ..." So far so good, Donnie couldn't understand how that could possibly go wrong. He took a long draught of coffee and relaxed, it couldn't be anything too complex, Raph's brain would've fried way before this.

"...so I took a look, and yeah, dere's a shell load of stuff from da hardware store, so I said I'd do it ... chicks and hardware stores don't mix, eh? She seemed really pleased, said it would make Casey's birthday da best ever."

"Raph ..." Would Raph ever understand misogyny? Equal rights? Feminism? Shell; Donnie laughed at his own thoughts, he doubted very much he could teach Raph how to spell them.

"... anyways ... 'm in da hardware store, and I don't gets it?"

"Don't get what? You have a list, you're in the right store, what's not to get?" He could hear the frustration build in Raphael's voice, a screaming, shouting, punch-happy turtle in a public place is never a good idea. Lowering his voice to a soft and gentle tone, Donatello cooed like a sympathetic mother. "It's alright Raph, we'll get through this together, what's on the list?"

"Well I gots most of it ... I think she's buyin' him a dog or somethin'."

"Oh yeah? Why?"

"Well she's asked fer chains ... ropes ... a dog collar ... leash ... few padlocks too, must be a big dog, eh Donnie?"

"Sounds it. But I'm confused about your confusion Raph, that all sounds very plausible, but why are you phoning me?"

"Well ... it's da last thing on here ... I couldn't finds it, and when I went ta ask, they just ran off. 's happened a few times and I ain't gettin' it?"

"Hmmm." Donnie pondered for a moment, wondering what on earth Raph could've asked that would cause such confusion. "What is it?"

"Well it says here Fifty Shades of Grey, but 'm only seein' twenty-nine at da paint counter. Does ya knows where I could get fifty shades of grey? Must be a bloody big doghouse if she wants all dat."

Silence.

Silence was all Donnie could think about as his mouthful of coffee hit the computer screen and his stomach churned, wrestling cruelly inside him, the liquid desperate for escape as his olive green skin turned deathly white.

"Raph ..." Ice swept through the phone as his voice turned colder, with the clarity of a crystal bell, with the precision of Leonardo's blade. "... Raph ... I want you to leave the store right now. Drop your things and leave."

"But why?" Raph, completely unaware, continued, his voice whiny, unable to understand why his genius brother wouldn't help. "Can't let April gets dis big bitch without havin' _somethin'_ ta tie him down with."

"Oh god!" Donatello squeaked, as the image of his secret soulmate fluttered through his brain, making him sicker, but forcing him to cross his legs. His tone took on an urgent hiss as once again tried to get Raph to leave the store.

"Raph! Just _LEAVE_!"

"But why? April wanted dis ta be da best birthday ever fer Case, and I wants it too. She wants ta give him a good surprise, what's wrong with dat?" Raph's voice was petulant now, and growing stubborn, a sure fire way to make him leave the store with everything he had.

"Oh she'll be giving him a good surprise, you can count on that." Donnie wanted to be anywhere but here, to think anything but what he was thinking, but there wasn't enough brain bleach in the world to scrub his mind of the horrific turn of events that had shattered every innocent notion he held about his beautiful bride.

Shattered every innocent notion he held about himself too.

"What's gotten inta ya?" Raph, through the grinding of his gears, had suddenly realised his brother was not right, not talking or acting in a way he'd ever seen before. Rather than making him worried, it just infuriated him more, another dead end, his brother meant to help his conundrum, not add to it. His own voice lowered to a hiss. "'s just fifty shades of grey Donnie, if ya don't know of a place dat sells dat much, just say so." The hot headed brother snorted away some steam, like a pressure kettle reaching it's boiling point. "Sheesh. I thoughts ya was da brainy one." And with that, he snapped his phone shut, ending the conversation.

As weak, shaky hands scrabbled to do the same, his head flopped back against the leather of the chair, slick with sweat, panting hard as if he'd just endured a mammoth battle. He laid there for a moment, wondering where Raph's booze was at, unable to even think about moving, except for his legs which seem to curl up against his plastron to shield him from the world. His arms wrapped around him tight as his eyes refused to retreat from their shellshocked, blank stare of mortification.

April. His April, That damn Fifty Shades of Grey book, and Casey, out of all the people in the world.

His head lolled to one side as he purged the now bittersweet coffee into his nearby bin.

Somedays, it wasn't nice to be the brainy one.

Especially when Raph came home afterwards and demanded an explanation.

Fuck.

* * *

**A/N: Can you believe I've had this rattling around in my head for two _years_? Yep! This little word prompt actually came from my forum (now defunct, sorry about that!), from the wonderful mind of TheCatalyst'sPen. Read her work, send her some love, she's great. **

**I wanted it to be wordier, fuller, more fanciful, but it ended up being quite short. Do you like it this way? Or would you prefer more "meat on the bone" so they say? **

**Rant, rave, review, all that good stuff and I might get back into one shots again. Hope so! **


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